I have a lot of girlfriends. Their nationalities are as various and as diverse as their actual personalities are. But a majority of these smart, interesting, and beautiful young women that I proudly call my sister-friends share something in common: They all have experiences with Kuwaiti men.
And, really, it’s not the most far-fetched possibility for any woman who lives in Kuwait to, you know, fall for a Kuwaiti. You’re in Kuwait–an abundant mass of Kuwaiti men is only natural. And while I myself have never gotten involved with a Kuwaiti man (not for any reason, just because) I can definitely see why a lot of women would. Many women might get easily beguiled by a flashy car (lets admit it ladies), a charismatic, masculine attitude, or a combination of the two.
I get it. They’ve got things going for them THAT A LOT OF WOMEN FAWN OVER. And, hey, kudos to them for having them.
But amongst all these women–from the Kuwaitis to the Egyptian to the Shami (i.e Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Palestine) to the American and the British–a common phrase is circulated about their Kuwaiti counterparts: “… that’s just Kuwaiti men.”
So its: “He can’t be faithful, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He’s a lying, chauvinistic hypocrite, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He has no ambition, all he cares about is material things, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or (and this is my favorite): “He only has one thing on his mind, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.”
There are obviously variations to this phrase that have been repeated to me in English as well as in Arabic and a much longer list of similar excuses, but you get the gist.
The point is that I’ve literally heard these kinds of phrases SO MUCH and from SO MANY of my friends (and sometimes even their mothers) that I really feel like it needs to be addressed because, and don’t hate on me here ladies, I’m on the men’s side for once.
I’ll explain later why, but first here are a few ground rules that every relationship-impaired woman must follow:
Repeat after me: You teach people how to treat you. That is the first rule that girls have to understand when embarking upon a relationship with any man, whether he be Kuwaiti, American, or a freaking Martian. If you hold your own set of values highly, anyone will see it and they will respect it. If you cling too tightly to anyone, they’ll feel smothered and try to escape you. If you act like you don’t care whatsoever about anyone but yourself, then whoever deals with you will lose interest QUICK. Simple.
The second rule is: If it feels bad then it probably is. That means if your gut is telling you that there is no compatibility there then its highly likely that there isn’t. If you’re getting bad vibes from the person as far as the nature of their character goes, then you have to overlook the initial attraction to the car, or to the looks, or to the charisma and just walk away. Again, this rule works across the board.
The third and final rule: Don’t track garbage into the house and then wonder why the floor is so dirty. In other words, you get what you ask for. If you meet a guy cruising on Love Street, throwing his number out at every moving object that will have it, then don’t be surprised if the relationship doesn’t exactly end in marriage. And, likewise, if you meet someone who is wildly religious (and I’m not saying that religious men are ‘garbage’) and you enjoy wearing a tank top every now and then, then don’t expect the relationship to be a bed of roses. You can’t change people no matter how hard you try. It’s not possible–DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT IT.
I feel like I’m stating the blindingly obvious here, but, hell, I hear girls say that stuff so much that sometimes I feel like they need to be reminded of what they probably already know.
Get real, ladies.
You KNOW that there is no preconceived gene planted within a Kuwaiti man (nor any other ethnicity) that compels him to cheat on you just for the hell of it. There’s probably been something wrong with the relationship itself and BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. Yeah, that means that YOU should also look at your part in the relationship and figure out what happened or how things could have led to this. But don’t get me wrong–cheating is still a horrible, nearly unforgivable offense. I’m just saying its not his ETHNIC gene pool that’s to blame.
And, you KNEW he was an ambition-less hypocritical JERK when you first got to know him but because he drives a tiny German boxcar you overlooked it and, now, you’re huffing and puffing all day long about it, pretending like its the biggest shock in the world? Sorry, but no. Not buying it.
And do not even try and tell me that you thought you could change his beliefs, or his habits, or his cultural attitudes. DON’T. Because you know you are lying. You may as well ‘fess up to the fact that there are things about him that you simply can’t live with and that are incompatible with you and your life. What you’re REALLY trying to do is have your cake and eat it too.
The fact of the matter is that there are nice guys and there are full-on jerks. Just like there are nice girls and the WITCHES OF EASTWICK roaming around out there. None of them are exclusive to a certain ethnic make-up.
I have met many women who are in happy, fulfilled, stable marriages and relationships with Kuwaiti men who are smart, kind, and decent. Just like I have also met a good bunch of women who are about to pull their hair out of their heads over the endless heartaches their NON-Kuwaiti counterparts are causing them.
Either way, this all goes to show that the ethnic blame game is actually a Pack-O’-Lies.
What it comes down to is YOU. You choose who you decide to jump into relationships with and you choose to commit your life to certain people and certain lifestyles and not others. Try and escape it all you want but here’s the painful truth (that you already know):
Relying on someone’s nationality, or the car they drive, or the way they speak to rationalize your man-troubles is about as useful as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble-gum. SO STOP CHEWING.
All my love! (and, yeah, I used a Shurooq Amin painting, cause it works perfectly AND its awesome)